Wednesday, December 9, 2015

Mixed feelings....My thoughts

There are two types of people in this world. For the first group of people(most of them), money matters and for very few others, life matters. No point for guessing ;), because anyone who knows me can blindly tell that I would definately opt for the later option. Okey, by the grace of god, I have got this life. So is there anything wrong if I want to live multiple lives within this one life. I could never get the fact that how can a person live a monotonous same routine for 20-30 years. I got fed up with that in 5 years. May be that was my tolerance level :(, lower than other people. But I took a step forward and made a decision to end my old life at a certain point and start a new beginning. Not everyone has this courage. Ok at least, I have something to cover up my low tolerance level :). The former type of people (money type) thought I have got a perfect job (for some of them, its a dream job, seriously; I just wanna tell them wake up dude), a perfect life, a perfect family and everything so perfect. But the problem is , I am not perfect at all. An imperfect person sorrunded by perfect environment, that was my actual reason for suffocation. Then I remembered that  my dad always boosted up saying that he came to Kathmandu with Rs. 100 in his hand and did so much for us. So I also wanted to tell my children that I just came up here with 2000 bucks and created this regime for you guyz. Hence, decision was made and my journey began in a search of a new life. I wasnot just happy with my previous life . So I broke my own laws, my own values and my own beliefs for the pursuit of my happiess.

I know I may fall down on my noses and guess what, people are eagarly waiting to see that so that they could prove themselves right and tell me, see I had told you earlier. The only problem I have with Nepalese people is everyone I meet suggests or orders me to do something or not to do something. Now you have completed studies, u should find a job. I did and they said you should get married. OK I did, and immediately the following day they stared demanding for a child. I said you guyz focus on your own life and let me live my life. But would they stop? Unanomously, everyone said you shouldnot go abroad, you have better life here. Who the hell are they to decide about my life. I said get lost everyone,I have made up my mind,  I will definately go. I want to live a life of my own. I want to see how the world outside my confort zone looks like. I want to experience a new life style, meet people around the world, know their stories, share my feelings, learn new things and enjoy new feelings. I got to meet few couples from Nepal. I couldnot believe that actually an abroad life is easier for girls than guyz. We have been trained from our birth to live with the fact that we
have to leave our family one day. If we can survive without our family then would we miss in-laws abroad; no ways ;). To be absolutely frank, it has become intolerable for married girls in Nepal to keep a proper balance between their life and work. Not being able to handle pressure from office as well as family was one of the major reasons for 90% of girls to fly abroad :O. And I give you my words, the rate is only going to increase in the future. Now its high time to redefine the society laws and rules for women or sit back and see your children flying away.When the so called rules and regulations of the society start killing an achiever, a dreamer and a struggler inside a girl, only breaking the rules seems to make sense to her.

Now, since I have moved on, did I stop loving my country. Absoluteky not. I alwzys had a strong feeling towards making my country a better place to live in compared to my friends. Thats a reason, my friends had never guessed about my decision of going abroad. But with time everthing just got changed. The question of " How can I contribute to my country" just transformed into "how can I steal an hour of extra sleep on saturday so that I can reenergize myself for the coming week". Then I thought; balancing my country's economy and minimizing trade deficit though remittance is also not a bad idea. Jokes apart, I have promised myself to return back to my country because I know I cant life this life for ever as well. I have to end this life at certain point and my new life, new chapter will again unfold at Nepal. But when?? yeah, After getting the power when noone dares to tell me what I should do and what I shoulnot do. My dad wanted to send me to China to become a doctor. But I never ever wanted to be so. Nooffence, But I dont like doctors at all. I said I would rather go for engineering, so opted for architecture engineering. After 15 days, I called dad and said its not my cup of tea and am going to change the faculty. He literally got shocked and asked me not to do so. But ultimate decision was mine, and I finally when I managed to hold a distinction in Electronics Engineering, my dad felt equally proud of me :). I dont know if my life would have been better if I had become a doctor or architect, but I always felt proud to make my own decisions and prove myself right. I am just sure my further decisions wont be regretful either.

The big question now is why am I writing this. Because I dont want to forget what I have felt at this transtion phase of my life. When I look back and read this, I can relive the moment and remind myself about my priorities and way of seeing my life.

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